Through the insecurity, some tenderness survives.



Darling will be going to school's camp for 2 days. Life will be like shit without him contacting me :(

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One accusation you can't throw at me is that my conscience is clear. It's all these shits that are happening builds me up. It made realize that I have a better and clearer conscience than those who doubted me. I really should not have fall so deeply because now, I have to stand up all over again.


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Darling's mum's birthday today and I still have not bought anything.

Currently studying together with Darling at home while waiting for dinner :D

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Deep in my heart I'm concealing words I'm longing to say. I dare not confess my feelings, frightened you'll slip away.

I see you lying next to me but I sense a distant feeling. So near yet so far. I'm sorry if I ever sounded ridiculous but it's because I just wanted a bit more of your attention..

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Had Swensen for lunch and watched Bounty Hunter with Darling & Ming Chong at Plaza Singapura. The story line is real good.

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You give me shit, I'll treat you like shit too.

Had RTO test today and I went blank. Did not study at all =/

Went to JP and had lunch with Mei Jiao, Arif & Simon. Shopped around, searched for Darling's mum's present while waiting for him to end school.

Was supposed to catch a movie but oh well, Darling saw the wrong date so went to his house instead. Waited for Ming Chong & Desmond and had Fish & co for dinner. Laughed till my jaws turned sore whenever I'm with them. Best remedy for digesting foods.

Alright I'll shall go to bed now I guess. Tomorrow will be another long day filled with laughters.


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Welcome to Earth, Lorena Quek :)

I can say that today is the earliest time I got back from school cus normally I'll reach back at 9 or 10. Well, the reason for not going to Darling's house is to keep myself out of trouble too. It's a fear already.

I'm just gonna rot on my bed till tomorrow morning.

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Sometimes I really wana salute the social workers and care givers. They have to take care of so many problematic girls despite having their own stress. And now, one went missing happily just to enjoy herself. Worst is when the staffs trusted them so much. Poor staffs..




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Fatty Kiaty sat on the wall;
Fatty Kiaty had a great fall;
All the King's horses,
and all the King's men
couldn't put Fatty Kiaty
together again!


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Dinner at Red Star Restaurant.

I'm dying of bloatness from a $391 worth dinner.



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Currently at Ming Chong's house with Darling.

Dim Sum for dinner at the same restaurant we used to go!

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My school on Monday was gone just by doing nothing at all. No teachers, no lessons at all.

Sheesh.

Went home with Darling, saw his grandmother ransacking his wardrobe. She had gone mad once again. Complaining & exagerating about Darling changing at least 10 clothes per day, loading up the amount of laundry they had to do. Tsks! On top of that, the person who says he knows what's going on and understand what's happening don't seems to understand. As usual, Darling ended up being the unfilial one..

Went out for dinner asap in order to stay out of trouble. Met Ming Chong at Westmall and had Pastamania. Sucks ttm.

Guess I'll be hitting the sack early tonight. Down with fever; damn the weather.

Gambled with Darling, Desmond & Ming Chong. Lady luck was with me. Won quite a bit (Y)!

Went to Bishan Park aftermath for prawning & dinner. Spent a few hundred bucks today. Thinking back, it's kinda unworthy but at least we enjoyed.

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So what's the issue right now?

Yes you're angry at your grandma for me, but do you realize you're letting your anger getting over me at the same time? Sucks big time okay. Especially when I've learnt not to vent my anger on you because of her, now it's your turn. Great.


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As expected, it has bombed. Screwed by her before I went home for being kind enough to help them do laundry.

It sucks totally when she has become the main reason of quarreling. Because of them, it always affect our mood..

"Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go according to any rules. They're not like aches or wounds; they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material."
- F.Scott Fitzgerald



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It creeps me out seeing how nice his grandma is treating me sometimes. Like today. But just like any other day, she can give you hell too.




So school ended early. Hopefully Darling's timetable will have a change so that we can end school early on Friday together.

Had lunch at Mac with Darling, Mei Jiao, Arif and Simon. Headed off to Bugis while Darling went back school. Did some shopping and met Darling after his school.

Life is such a bore.

Thursday, April 15, 2010 6:50 PM

School ends at 11am tomorrow. Die.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2010 10:25 PM

Hate it when school ends early. I have nothing to do!

School ended at 1pm instead of 4pm today cus teachers have some last minute stuffs. Had Mac with classmates then off to find Pei Shi & Kar Seng. Played scrabble and gambled, stayed for dinner. I love homecook food! Guess I'll be spending most of my time at their house since I have nothing to do most of the days.

Although I'm not perfect, but I'm a person who always want things to be near to perfection. I always wanted a little bit more. I don't know how much, but even five minutes do matters a lot to me. And now because of your family, the time being with you lessen. I wonder do you understand how I'm feeling.


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Tuesday, April 13, 2010 5:27 PM

Sometimes I don't mean what I've said.

Came to know another great book of child abuse by Velarie. Damaged - Cathy Glass. It's really sad to see how all these children suffered the unecessary pain..

And I'm so tired of breaking down on this cold hard road.

If I were blue, would you be there for me, and whisper in my ears that everything will be ok? Would you stand by me, hold me tight, and say you love me one more time.

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Monday, April 12, 2010 10:56 PM

I miss Papa :(

I used to think that his presence is not that important to me because all he does is nag and scold but I was wrong. There seems to be a lack of motivation in this place now. Often when I came back, I could joke and laugh with him about what I'd encountered but now the only form of communication is phone. He never fails to provide us with unconditional love. His sons are never jealous too. When I'm sad, even a hug or word of concern from him will makes me feel that nothing will go wrong. Though I rarely attend his devotions, but his voice eases me literally. In everything I do, I'll always relate to his teachings he had taught us which really motivates me a lot..

Now without him, I cannot stand the cocky-ness of staffs/home parents (other than Pei Ling). It sucks. Their love are different from his. They're just plainly doing their job.


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I'm uber tired and there's still counseling session.

School as per normal and one great thing is that all core modules have been reduced by one hour. School ends an hour earlier (Y)!

Glad that Darling made some friends too.

Hate it when some guys try to get numbers from girls and if they fail, they ease themselves by telling their friends: ''Wa attitude fuck! Nevermind la, she's not that pretty anyway!'' For goodness sake, in the first place, why must we give you our number? Secondly, you're not that handsome too! Jeez.


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Sunday, April 11, 2010 8:03 PM

Addicted to short hair. Cut off another inch.


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Last day of holiday, no difference.

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Saturday, April 10, 2010 8:09 PM

Accompanied Boon to buy his CPU at Sim Lim the whole day.

Sometimes I wonder what sort of family is this. Or should I start to question, what is a family? Not only me being treated in this way. But seeing Darling being treated by his own family members in such ridiculous way, my heart do hurts. What have we did to deserve these?

Oh totally forgot that it's our 11 monthsary today! Love you Darling. Don't worry. Even if your family or the whole world collapse, you'll have me to lean on <3 (Gosh. Sounds kind of mushy.)

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Friday, April 09, 2010 7:36 PM

Favourite past time.


Sigh. Sometimes I really want to enjoy my night out with Darling & friends but the place I'm staying have already restricted much of my freedom. Yes, I come in and out like nobody business so I often wonder will they even notice if I'm not even back.

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Omg she's such a cutie.

The bandana gang.






Start of another day, closing to end of holiday and start of school. Neither happy nor sad but greatly excited for someone cus he'll be starting school after 1 year of enjoyment.

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Went to swim and the chlorine is still itching me all over.

Still not undressed, I'm lying down on this pathetic bed with Stitchy as my pillow, my pillow as my bolster and a comforter over me. Eyes are near to closing but wonder what's keeping me awake. It'll be just an excuse if I say because the lights are not off, I can't sleep.

I want to move out.

Thursday, April 08, 2010 11:54 AM

Darling reached home kind of late last night (4.30 am) so I'm left sitting in the living room while allowing him to catch some sleep. I want to go swimming but have to go back hostel early for counseling. Sheesh. How to tell them that I'm not even interested?!

Wednesday, April 07, 2010 10:17 PM

A heartfelt true story of one child's courage to survive his mother's abusive treatments.


Omg I almost fainted literally when I went into my fb and saw 3 pictures of me and my primary school classmates tagged by my friend. It's such a horror! Fugly hair and pimple face. I can't believe that everyone had such a drastic change.

Alright enough of that.

Intended to go prawning today but changed our mind. Went to JP and catched a movie instead. Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Well, obviously not as good as the book. Went to arcade and watched the guys played (they're badly deprived of childhood). Accompanied Darling back to West Coast and I took a cab back.

Currently addicted to a book by Dave Pelzer. It's a great book. A boy who spent his childhood in fear, his tempestuous teenage years, through to adulthood and his dedication in helping others overcome similiar adversity. A remarkable story of courage and survival. Must read. My eyes are fixed upon it all day long.

My Story; A child called 'It'•The lost boy•A man named Dave.


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Tuesday, April 06, 2010 3:20 PM

Look at this cutie pie! She has given birth to a bunny baby.

And she can go ''Oh Baby is crying! Sayang sayang!'' all day long.

Busy playing her 'laptop' while her Baby sits behind her.

I'm a huge fan of Harry Potter, and JK Rowling. And so when I was youtube-ing yesterday, I found this video of JK Rowling's Havard commencement speech. It's damn good, I swear.

Part 1:



Part 2:




Part 3:

Monday, April 05, 2010 5:53 PM

Dinner at MOF with Darling, Desmond, Ming Chong and Calvin. Never fail to laugh with Desmond and Ming Chong around.

I wonder did I digest my food well now.

Sunday, April 04, 2010 7:15 PM

Was out the whole day with Darling's family for praying at Lim Chu Kang cemetry. Call me a mountain tortise cus I've never been there before and it's bloody huge!

Ps: Desmond, you're getting fatter! Your girlfriend look like a mouse beside you!












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Saturday, April 03, 2010 5:31 PM

Read it from some website!

Oh my god. If Darling's mum or grandmother can read chinese, I'll definitely write this to them! Or if I have the courage, I'll sure say it right in their face! All the red parts are those that I wish I can voice out.. Furthermore, I'm not even their daughter-in-law and they've been treating me like this!

我一直在想，<妳>對我到底有什麼意義？

你只不過是我丈夫的母親，在結婚之前，你在我的生命中根本沒有任何意義。我的生命來自我的父母，今天的學歷、能力、教養、待人處世之道理，都是來自我父母的承傳，沒有任何一分一毫是由你來貢獻。

我活了二十所以我不懂，為何一結多年的歲月全部必須歸零，然後變成所謂「你家」的人，又變成你家「最小」的人。說「最小婚之後，」是因為我在「你家」的地位始終比我今年才2歲的兒子小。說真的，我心理很不平衡。我的父母養育了我二十多年，而你是撿他們辛苦二十多年的結晶，根本來說∼你是不勞而獲、撿現成的。所以我在幫你做事情時，你得感謝我的父母以及我的勞力付出。如果你不感激那就算了，你不應該還對我有極大的意見，對我做的事情總是拿著放大鏡來挑剔------雞蛋裡面挑骨頭。這簡直是得了便宜還賣乖。

我白天有自己的工作，經濟一向獨立，所以我根本不必依靠你的兒子，也還沒有靠過你兒子的薪水過活過。而且我今天有謀生的能力，是仰賴我父母給我的教育，以及我自己的不斷學習成長的能力。所以我不能忍受我賺的錢好像理所當然必須貢獻給「你家」，然後我花我自己賺的錢，都還要看看你的臉色，豈有此理！我又沒欠你，也不需要你養，更沒拿過你一毛錢，我可以尊重你的意見，但是不能讓你做主。所以我現在要跟你開誠佈公的講清楚說明白：電費是我在支付，所以酷暑的炎夏我開冷氣睡覺你不准有意見，隔天要上班的是我，睡眠品質對我而言很重要。

還有「佛要金裝、人要衣裝」我要買幾套衣服、鞋子都是我的事情，請你一定要記住，這些都是我自己賺的錢。花錢的準則上面我自己有分寸，你要管就去管你兒子的錢，我用我能力勞力賺去的錢，實在不想還要看你的臉色。而且，你不要老是以為你的兒子多棒，如果沒有我也出去工作，你以為你去年可以去大陸旅遊二星期嗎？哪來的錢？我常常在想，你對我其實真的沒有任何意義，如果你對我有任何形式上的意義，你只不過是我丈夫的母親，你所有的恩情功勞都在他身上，要回報你的也是他，相同的能叫我回報的也只有我的父母親，如果今天我的父母也這樣挑剔你的兒子，你心理又會舒服嗎？你的兒子又能達到他們多少的要求？

所以~~以後你想吃水果，請叫你兒子切給你吃，因為這才是他應該做的。衣服也請你兒子洗，畢竟你也幫他洗了二十幾年的衣服 (我連一雙襪子都沒有麻煩過你)。麻要去看醫生，請他提早下班帶你去...我不想老是被扣全勤的費用，而且，我感冒時，你還會對我冷言冷語∼笑我身體差，因此，你生病時，我沒有辦法提起太多的同理心。

言而總之，他孝順你是應該的，而我，要把我的孝心回饋給生我育我的父母親。如果要我幫你做，那麼你至少得閉上那張挑剔的嘴巴，然後心存感激，因為我沒有欠你，幫你做，是因為看在妳是我丈夫的母親份上，僅僅是這樣而已，要不是他是我丈夫，妳以為你會有這個榮幸嗎？而且，妳也得多看看新聞，現在都已經是「家務勞給」的年代，妳既然沒有支付我薪水，我幫妳做家務事，你就要偷笑了！

最後，我寫這封信給妳，妳一定會覺得我大逆不道，但是人與人之間是互相尊重的，我對妳便是以這樣的基礎去相處，如果妳不能夠同樣尊重我的感受，就算我會看在你是長輩的份上退讓幾分，但是我還是要把底限說清楚。

妳會說「做人的媳婦要知道理」，但是我要在這邊反駁你~~我從來就不是你養大的，我更沒有欠妳，而對你我已經發揮最大的容忍與尊重，其他需要學習的地方是在你這邊。婆婆，尊重別人也尊重你自己!

Random,

thinking about how some couples actually claimed that how deeply in love they are with each other and they're gonna get married etc (when the relationship period is only less than a year, not even stable), and then they broke up one month after that, I really wana laugh out loud. So childish of them.

Had lunch at Dian Xiao Er with Darling, the same group of guys plus Desmond & Jasmine.

Tried crocodile meat! Not bad though.

Oh anyway, I have the time to blog now because it's raining! If not I would have been at Sentosa enjoying the time with Mr. Golden Sun :(

Pictures of yesterday.

Threesome?


















Poor Ming Chong, got beaten by some hooligans.






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Birthday : O8O792

I have no problems to befriend with anybody & I have a lots of personality that make others hard to understand me. Like a chameleon, I always manage to suits myself with environment but I do suffer because I depend mostly in luck and mood.



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